Me after 2 days on a diet x
Unless you're one of those bullshit people who naturally wake up looking like a Victoria's Secret model, chances are you're watching what you eat before squeezing into what is realistically waterproof lingerie in public.
I have been doing a diet called KSFL, I know you don't give a fuck what it stands for, but it has been a hideous process.
Essentially, I have been forced to cut out all the things I love: pasta, bread, chocolate, sweets, happiness...
There was also a chapter on skipping out alcohol but I assumed it was a joke and kept restocking my psychotic tequila collection. *Of course this is organised in an orderly manner by strength, from "Wooo!" to "Has anyone seen my bra?" Only kidding, why would I be wearing a bra...
ANYWAY
So throughout this diet, I have been doing some crazy things. Eating chicken for breakfast, tearing up over a lasagna and worst of all exercising. As a result though, I have actually felt better.
I feel lighter on my feet, more flexible and it is easier to get drunk when there are less carbs in your system, so I feel like it's been a win win and I've really paid attention to the objective..
While I've been so busy detoxing my diet, it suddenly occurred to me that there's another area of my life that I should be detoxing - my love life.
Anyone who knows me will know I have absolutely hideous taste in men. If my type were an item of clothing, it would be that hideous hairy angora jumper that Topshop tried to plug last Autumn.
I classically go for the brooding artsy types; with stupid names, floppy hair and an invariable 8th of hash with them at any given time. In other words, assholes.
They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Well by that logic, surely the same is true if I'm doing the same guys over and over again!
My sister decided for me that I am going to make a change, and stop dating guys that make her want to vomit on them. (Funny really, as I've actually vomited on the past few of them, but that's a story for another time...)
She got on my phone, downloaded Jswipe and sat me down while explaining that I was no longer allowed to swipe right for guys who fall into any of the following categories:
- Shirtless photo
- DJ's on the side
- Takes photos with a disposable camera, but uploads them with his £500 iPhone
- Has a guitar in his photo for no reason
- Man. Buns.
I'm still not 100% comfortable with number 5, but it is up for discussion.
The funny thing is, ever since I have felt myself practising the same restraint as I would with my diet. For example, the same way I had to say no to a Galaxy bar earlier today (I know you're still in the fridge baby I miss you too) I felt the same restraint when I saw a gorgeous man bun walk down my street earlier today.
Ordinarily I would have slowed my car down and tried to pick him up like I was Richard Gere in Pretty Woman and was going to put him and his lovely man bun up in a Penthouse suite in the City. However this time, I just slowed down, looked at his butt a little and drove off. See - progress!
On a serious(ish) note, the real similarity that I've drawn between hot, douchey guys and junk food is the instant gratification. Just like a Galaxy chocolate bar (honestly babe, I'm coming to find you after I write this) you get a quick sugar rush but no long lasting satisfaction.
My problem is that I've been treating chocolate bars as if they are a full balanced meal. If you keep trying to get the long term satisfaction and fullness that you want from a short-term thinking fuck boy, then you are going to end up with one thing - a sugar crash.
And just like sugar, these guys are addictive. After you have crashed, you don't think "okay I need something substantial now" you think "I need to get another fix" and go running after the next guy who claims he used to be in a band and has a tattoo on his arm meaning 'peace' in Mandarin.
I've noticed with a lot of my friends, that they end up with the nice guy once they have been hurt so much by the bad guys, they simply can't take it any more.
As my sister put it, "sometimes you just need a sweet guy to cuddle you and feed you proscuitto."
I'm not sure if that was a euphemism or whatever but you get her jist...
For me though, it has just been a matter of walking away from the candy shop. (Stop singing Candy Shop in your head)
When you make the conscious decision to stop feeding your self with junk, and seek out something with some real substance, that's when you stumble onto what has always been in front of you.
Even if there are no nice guys around at that moment, at least you can be content with yourself rather than wasting your time on guys who's substance is little more than a veritable food label of artificial sugar.
Peace out homies,
xx
The Geisler
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