They Always Come Back

I remember the first times a fuckboy ever broke my heart, my best friend said to me "they always come back."

At the time, if I recall correctly, I was in our student house wearing a giant purple onesie with pools of eyeliner down my face and two cigarettes in my hand. Looking like what can best be described as  Barney the Dinosaur's cracked out ex-wife, I shouted back 'AS FUCKING IF'. Eloquent young lady I was.

But seriously - as fucking if. As if some douchebag who shouldn't have won the race against the other sperm to join this planet was going to magically 'come back' and save the day. The thing is though...she was right.

I have had all sorts of break ups. Messy break ups, clean breaks, break ups over MSN, WhatsApp, FaceTime and even once via my sister on the phone mimicking my voice. No matter what though, in some way or another they do always come back.

There aren't many things I'm afraid of.
Spiders? No problem - they're just like dogs but worse at playing fetch.
The dark? Absolutely fine, I prefer not knowing who I'm kissing.
Heights? I was high as a fucking kite throughout my teens...i digress.

Today, however, I suffered a serious fright. I saw a ghost. You wouldn't believe it.
I was sitting at my desk, pretending to understand Excel, when an actual ghost jumped out at me in plain sight...or rather via Facebook chat.
And through this ouji board on my iPhone, it spelled out "what's new with you?"

ABSOLUTELY CHILLING. 

This actually isn't the first time I've seen a ghost. Typically, I would call my friends, ask them to come check it out and perhaps even hide under the covers until it goes away. This fuckboy ghost however, has come back so many times that I was almost expecting it.

Melodrama aside (for now) if all women look back on the men who have really caused them grief, they will notice that no matter what, they always pop back to check things out - kind of like an emotional arsonist returning to the scene of a crime.

I'm sure you've ALL been there. You've been broken up for a while and you're just about getting over it. You're at Greenberry's with your girls on a Sunday enjoying a delightful soy latte when *BAM* they message you.

Now I'm not implying that the message is always good. There are lots of ways that they will get in touch, much like any other ghost.
You'll either get the lonely ghost "I miss you, do you miss me?"
Or the jealous ghost "I saw you added some guy on Facebook, you slut"
Or even, the seemingly harmless ghost (the Casper if you will) "you left your contact lens at my house, do you need it?"

When someone makes the conscious decision to make a stage-right exit out of your life - you need to pragmatically ask your self why. For health and safety reasons, it's important to do this with some vodka/tequila. Let's just say fighting spirits with spirits.

The Optimist will say: "They realised they made a mistake! They do really love me! This time apart has opened their eyes"

The Pessimist will say: "They are bored, they are horny, they need putting down."

*however*

The Geisler will say: "Who the fuck cares, put them back on the DPD van and send them back to The Fuckboy Depot." ~dips carrot stick into houmous sassily~

You see, break ups hurt. When someone first walks out of your life, the only thing you want to see is that revolving door send them back in. But what I've realised over the years is that my friend only told me half of it:

They always come back...

...when you don't need them anymore. 

Now put that in your soy latte and sip it!

Kind regards, please god by you, etc etc

The Geisler