I'm back!
Much like other beloved icons such as Britney Spears, The Spice Girls and Madonna I have decided to make a comeback after literally no demand whatsoever.
Unfortunately this has not come after a residency in Vegas - my residence is still at my parents house where I can't use the washing machine. Besides, there's equally as many alcoholics and circus freaks here.
So why has it taken me so long to revisit this blog? Well, fear mostly.
Have you ever wondered why it is that children walk around with far more cuts and bruises than the rest of us? It's not just because they're tiny idiots, or because they get monkey-bars instead of awkward coffee machine small talk at their break times. It's because they are fearless.
It seems that as we get older, we start irrationally fearing things we wouldn't second guess as a child. When you're a kid and you want to do something, you just do it. As a growing adult you can't do anything without making a 'pros and cons' list and thinking of every worst case scenario.
If a tone-deaf kid wants the lead in their school musical, they just go for it. If an adult wants to volunteer to talk at a work event, they shrink down in their seat and wait for Susan to raise her un-manicured hand. Fucking Susan.
So where is this relevant to me? Well almost every time I sit down to write I get this all-consuming fear that it will be awful. That everything I put down on paper will be such a load of shit that the entire blogging community is forced to go on strike. (The imaginary banners are very cruel)
This all changed when I did a fire walk. Cringe, I know. I wasn't actually planning on having any revelations that night.
Despite signing up for a charity fire walk, it was a Sunday night and I was tired. While all those around me were panicking about bursting into flames, I was sat at the back vaping and ordering a sushi takeaway to collect the second my hell walk was done. (I recommend the rainbow roll, delicious and great for low-key gay pride activism.)
The fear only really set in when I was standing there in front of the flames and the instructor said "Are you ready?"
So I did what any insane person would do, I shouted "no" and then immediately walked on the burning hot coals. And guess what? It didn't hurt a bit.
This instructor came to speak to me after, asking how it was. I told her that I'd been nervous, but that was obviously healthy.
"Healthy?" she questioned "Why is worrying about things healthy? When you're about to do something worthwhile, don't worry - just do it."
And this red-haired woman who makes a career out of watching people walk on fire was actually right. Probably a sadist, but right.
I couldn't spend any time worrying about doing the things I want to do in life, I need to just do them. Which is exactly why I've finally decided to take up heroin. (Not really, just checking if you're paying attention)
So what are we going to talk about now that I'm back?
Well, fear is definitely a big one. We'll also chat about relationships as always, growing up, friendships and really anything that comes up. As always, I'm happy to write on any topics you want me to.
While we're here, let's round off this post with a little bit about fear and self-doubt. Scary, right? I don't know about you, but I find talking about fear even scarier than fear itself. At least all this neurosis confirms I'm definitely Jewish.
It seems that us twenty-somethings are afraid of a lot of things. That's okay. If you think about it, we have every right to be. We just stopped being teenagers and without anyone telling us the entire curriculum changed. We still get treated like kids, yet we're constantly asked questions that make us feel like we're interviewing to be middle-aged.
Here's some of my favourites, alongside useful answers:
"What is your 5 year plan"
That would make me 30 *hyperventilates into M&S bag for life*
"Do you think you'll get botox"
Do you think you'll get out of my pre-maturely wrinkled face?!
"Do you think you'll marry him?"
Well hopefully when I'm all grown up, I'm only 12 (emotionally)
"You haven't visited PureGym in six months, would you like to freeze your subscription?"
Would you like to freeze my fat cells so we can stop doing this dance?
"When you answered the first question, did you realise that you will actually be 32?"
Oh.....fuck.
If, like me, you have none of the right answers - don't fear. We can figure this all out together.
I'm off to go stare into my dog's eyes until he gets uncomfortable,
Until next time...
The Geisler