I am a terrible listener. Seriously, if you were to ask me what most of my friends do for a living I'd be at a loss. So much so that I've had to resort to stalking them on LinkedIn under the table while they talk to me about work.
Not only this but I also tried to feed my friend pad thai the other day...only to discover she's allergic to peanuts. This is all well and good except I've known her nearly 10 years and we used to live together. So you get my gist.
The only time I really do listen is when someone has a problem. As soon as anyone needs a problem solving I magically shake off my dazed look, stop thinking about when I'm next washing my hair (Saturday) and go into full Dr Phil mode.
I'd say this spans back to 10 year old me reading hundreds of issues of Cosmopolitan with Q&As like "my boyfriend won't engage in roleplay, what should I do?" I was very smug knowing that my boyfriend was actually in the school play with me so we were doing just fine. But I digress.
The interesting thing about my friends is how diverse they all are. They all have such different lives and therefore think they have totally unique problems. But they don't.
There is such a consistent theme across the board that they've created a stratified survey for me in mid 20s ennui. It turns out that so many people seem to fall into one of two categories:
1. Should I be scared that I'm single?
2. Am I too cosy in a couple?
I can tell you now that 9/10 times - the answer to both of these questions is no. We think that our deepest years of insecurity are behind us in our teenage years but in reality it takes more than tweezing your eyebrows into rice noodles to provoke insecurity.
I remember the feeling well during my single days. It's worth noting that this sensation only comes about at a quiet or a low moment. You've washed all the glitter out your hair from the night before and are sporadically peeking out the window to see your Just Eat drivers lovely face. It's then that the thoughts hit:
"Should I go on Jswipe? No...I only ever seem to find my cousins on there."
"Am I ever going to meet anyone - I mean anyone I haven't already met?"
"Did my last relationship mess me up so much that I can't do it again?"
"If I ever did meet anyone would I have to start shaving ALL THE TIME?"
For those in relationships, it's actually no easier. You'll be sitting on the sofa with a lovely man handing you a cup of tea which is the exact right shade (Marbella sun tan) and almost the exact same evil stream will start. But instead of the crushing fear of dying alone, it's about dying boring.
"What if other people are clubbing right now?"
"I don't want to be in a club...but should I want to want to?"
"Do my friends think I'm a bitch because I spend too much time with him?"
"Am I a bitch? I must be if I'm so ungrateful!"
The most important thing to learn from all this is that we are all just a little tormented and insecure from time to time. And that's totally fine. Instead of obsessing over what other people are thinking or doing, it's so much more important to stay present and decide if you are living the life you want to live.
Now I am not saying that all single people wish they had a boyfriend and all coupled up people live in fear of becoming couch potatoes. I have friends who absolutely love their lives exactly how they are. And yes, I will ask where they get their prescriptions from...
For those who are struggling however, I am going to lay on some hard, unfiltered truth.
Being in a relationship is hard word. It's not like having a best friend or a favourite colleague. It's not even like having a pet as I've been reminded several times by my very furry boyfriend. It is more like taking the pizza of your life and giving half of it to someone else. It's compromise, it's arguments and it's drama. But with the right person, it's incredible.
I have given half my pizza to boys in the past and had it thrown back in my face or chucked in the bin. There are a lot of people out there who will do that to you. And then one day you meet someone who gives you half of their pizza in return and it is all worthwhile. Sometimes I get the urge to literally throw a frying pan at my boyfriend's head. But then I remember how much of me he has accepted and chosen to love and how much he's given back in return, so I put the pan down and make us both fried chicken.
(I understand that I've been babbling about pizza and chicken for a while now, but I feel you get my point. Also I'm on Slimming World so can you blame me?)
So if you are single and wanting to meet "someone" just think for a second about what you're asking for. It's one thing to desire a blurry, non-descript idea of a boyfriend but it's quite another to love a person. It's much better to enjoy your space until you find someone worth filling it up.
And if you're in a relationship and worried about how your life might have changed then let me tell you it has. Of course it has. But if you're in the right relationship then it is change you should be embracing. As far as going out and having fun are concerned, unless you're dating a controlling sociopath then you are still just as able to go out and dance til 3am, but only if you want to.
That's all from me actually, I need to get home and make some Negronis.
Until next time,
The Geisler