Really, we do.
We say things after a big fight like "I hate fighting with you babe" and "ugh I know me too let's never fight again" but really we both get an endorphin hit out of it which frankly I've never got from any spin class. Maybe if the seats didn't give the after-feel of a smear test...but I digress.
Typically what happens is one of us has had a bad day (him, I have lovely days) or one of us just wants attention (me, he's emotionally stable). We pick something fun to fight about like me throwing my clothes on the floor Art Attack style or him pretending to listen to me with the Rocky soundtrack playing in his head.
The best part is, it always escalates and I get to use some of my best swear words and he get's to say things like "call me a shitdick one more time and we're gonna have a problem." It's awesome.
No matter how bad the fight gets, it's always okay in the end because while both of us are too stubborn to say sorry (a lowly, pedestrian word in my opinion) we hug instead. We have a lovely warm hug and all is resolved in time to eat pasta.
Enter Covid-19.
The last big row we had was not in the comfort of his lovely flat but 8 feet away from one another sitting in an abandoned field off the M25. I think you'll start to see the problem here.
Instead of hugging it out at the end of this particular feud, we were stuck for ideas.
We just glared at each other from our sides of the field like we were in a Mexican standoff while passing cows seemed visibly uncomfortable.
This got me thinking about how the global separation is affecting all of our relationships. Whether it's with our friends, partners or family members we can't fall on the same patterns we're used to.
Where normally I could go out on a Saturday night to drink and chat to my friends, everything is now on Zoom and painfully within earshot of my parents. Hiding in the study doesn't help, because my mother will invariably walk in to "just say hi to the girls" or ask "I hope Emma is joking about what you did at The Taped Club?".
Not only that, but usual phone calls used to be about where we're going and what were doing on the weekend. Now my friends all update me on what they're cooking for dinner and frankly the competitiveness is just making everyone fat.
As for my family...it has been weeks now of me third wheeling my parents. I used to stay at my boyfriends half of the time so it was a pleasure to spend a couple of hours with them on a Friday night. It turns out that the pleasure decreases somewhat when your Dad calls you over to look at his porridge every single morning (the recipe doesn't change) and your Mum sits right by your work space on the phone to at least 12 different Linda's.
So what's my advice?
Partners:
With the complete lack of physical intimacy, I've taken to being direct and mature.
I will often phone my boyfriend when I know he's very busy and tell him that I need attention and compliments. He usually hangs up but we're getting there.
Friends:
The key here is not to forget anyone. Listing your friends in the notes section of your phone in height order is both a fun activity and a good reminder to check in with anyone who may need a chat. If you and your friends are very close, you can also list them in bra size order. For example "I bet my DD+ friends are chafing in this weather, better send my support."
Family:
Find a shared interest that no one can scream about. Right now we're watching The Crown. This means that instead of turning on each other, we have now all united in scorn for the young Prince Philip not keeping it in his chinos.
Pets:
They are perfect each and every one of them. If you don't have one, get one and tickle it's fluffy tummy it fixes everything. (Don't do that to a fish)
Right, that's about enough from me today
Keep safe everyone
The Geisler